True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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