I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
