I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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