if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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