Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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