i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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