I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
