Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
