We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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