the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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