i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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