i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
