dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
