i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
