Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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