Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
