those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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