I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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