Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
