well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
