He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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