i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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