is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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