just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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