I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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