Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
