I think i peed on brittanys purse
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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