After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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