I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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