Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Damn victory sex feels great
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