its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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