nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
