sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
