I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
