Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
