You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
