I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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