and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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