I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
