i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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