Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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