when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
