Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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