I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize