Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
