Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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