I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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