You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize