do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
