all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
