4 words: hood of his car
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize