Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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