I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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