whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
