i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
