I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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