Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
