i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
