My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
