new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
