you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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