Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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