Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We are two peas in an std pod
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
