Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
