Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize