Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
