just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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