I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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